


Past and Present

by Karenkk



Series: Kintsugi [5]
Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Angst, Dubious Consent, F/M, Friends With Benefits, M/M, Panic Attacks, Past Child Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rape/Non-con Elements, Sexual Content, past child sexual abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-14
Updated: 2019-03-16
Packaged: 2019-11-17 22:21:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,484
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18107654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Karenkk/pseuds/Karenkk
Summary: Yuzuru remembered how Javier shrank away from his touch the next day, much more vividly than the night they shared at Helsinki.A yuzuvier story being told by both sides. Please read it as part of the Kintsugi series.Yuzuru's POVRPS disclaimer applies.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Please check the tags prior to reading. Thanks.

Yuzuru remembered how Javier shrank away from his touch the next day, much more vividly than the night they shared at Helsinki. He remembered the Spaniard's cold dismissal a lot more than the choking hold he had on him as he forced his cock down his throat. His icy words more than how hard he had gripped his head and blocked his airway until he had no choice but to swallow the bitter cum that hit back of his throat, his entire vision darkened due to lack of air.

He supposed he shouldn't have been surprised. Their arrangement was entirely based on convenience and friendship, and when either was broken it just fell apart like a sand castle. What he didn't expect was their friendship didn't survive either.

Javier went back to Spain to be with his family before the offseason shows started, while Yuzu continued on to compete at the World Team Trophy and help Team Japan to take home the gold. By the time they met again in May for the Fantasy on Ice Tour, they were practically strangers. No one understood the crushing disappointment of losing and the need to refocus better than himself, with his own two losses at the World Championship still fresh in his mind. So he respected the older man's wish and kept his distance. 

The Spaniard mostly kept to himself and occasionally mingled with the Europeans and Canadians. He spent a lot of time brooding and thinking, practically in his own world. He was like a completely different person, so much that people came to Yuzuru and asked him what was going on. So Yuzuru did his own best at avoiding the crowd because he couldn't quite come up with the answers. 

It all changed after Miki joined the tour. Yuzuru saw how their looks lingered on each other. Their body langue, whilst never openly intimate, was close and familiar. Javier slowly regained warmth in his eyes. He started to laugh and joke with others once again. And Yuzuru, recognizing all the signs, suddenly made sense of everything. 

He was happy for Javier, truly. He had always respected Miki, for being an incredible athlete and having the resolve to be her own person. He remembered the public outcry when she announced her daughter Himawari's birth. In a conservative culture such as Japan, most women would choose unhappy marriage over giving birth out of wedlock. Yet there she was, a public figure and a single mum, unapologetic about her choice. She lost her career, support from JSF, sponsorships and the fans. For a while, even all the ice shows withdrew their invitations, which was another major source of income for skaters. However, she pulled through it all, against all negative public opinions and financial hardships, with the same tenacity that made her the first woman to land a quadruple jump in competition, at the age of 14. 

And she was so beautiful, with her long gorgeous hair, toned yet soft womanly curve, and the eyes that sparkled with life. Even he could clearly see why the Spaniard was hopelessly attracted to her. Besides, it wasn't like she could be in his way to podium, he thought bitterly. She was everything he was not - strong, independent and female. It was so easy to see them together, and perhaps even raising a family together someday.

And yet the iciness remained between Yuzuru and Javier. In public, they acknowledged each other with awkward politeness. But that was the extent of their interaction. The Spaniard could barely meet his eyes, and Yuzuru could certainly take a hint and kept his socialization mostly to Team Japan. The Japanese wasn't a fool. He knew his rink mate was sleeping with Miki, and no longer had any use for him. He had paid in blood, sweat, and tears for every medal he had won, he just didn't expect it to include his friendship with his best friend. This is what got him for being greedy.

A few junior skaters came to join the tour, a few days into the rehearsal. It was nice to see some fresh faces as well as some old friends, including Shun Sato from his hometown Sendai. Only 13 years old with wide and innocent eyes, he already had a stable Triple Axel that could be put into combos. Yuzuru marveled at the strength and spirit of youth, and for the first time in a few months, it brought a real smile to his face.

He wasn't sure why he agreed to go out with the Japanese skaters after the group dinner, that night. It could be because he wasn't looking forward to another night mulling over his non-existed friendship with his rink mate. Even he got sick and tired of replaying every frame of interaction between the Spaniard and his new girlfriend in his head, every lingering looks, casual touches and shared smiles. 

A jar of beer was placed at front of him, and he drunk in abundance while Nobu watched with his eyebrows raised. He laughed and asked for another. And people cheered him on. By the time they decided to hit the karaoke house, he was a boneless mess hanging off the older man. Once they got to their private room, he was laid onto the sofa. He giggled to himself as he listened to his friends fighting over the microphones, to see who could sing the classic songs in the most off tune possible. At some point, there was loud cheering, as they welcome a newcomer. But he was already about to drift off to sleep, so he didn't particularly care. A coat was placed on him, so he snuggled into it and sighed contently.

Waking up was disorienting, to say at the least. He sat up, fighting a killer headache, trying to make sense of where he was. Furniture around him and the color scheme of the room all looked unfamiliar. Panic hit him in a maddening wave, combining with nausea from the hangover made him dry heave as his stomach revolted against him.

Then he heard a chuckle, "Clearly still need people to clean up after you."

Yuzuru looked up in shock. There he was, Akihiro Hirata, the man he never expected to see again, just sitting there not even two feet across from him.

Clearly amused, the man stood up and picked up his clothes from the floor and threw them at the younger man. Yuzuru caught them purely on reflex, and hurriedly dressed as he listened to the other man recounting last night's tale, fully aware of the other man's eyes lingering on his naked body. Once done, he bowed deeply and murmured his thanks, just wanted to get out of there. But the older man beckoned him to come closer, "Aren't you supposed to thank me properly?"

As if being put under a spell, he did exactly as he was commanded. He knelt between the older man's knee and opened his mouth to thank him for carrying him back to his hotel, for cleaning up the mess after he threw up in the bathroom, for undressing him and carrying him to bed. Akihiro sighed in content, hand tightened behind back of his head, forcing him to take him deeper. It was all so suffocating and familiar. 

Yuzuru didn't know how he got out of that hotel room, but he did. He leaned against the wall in the corridor, his breathing heavy and erratic. He was bare feet, in yesterdays clothes that were badly crinkled and stained. He smelt like day-old alcohol and cigarette. The odor alone was enough to give him nausea. 

He instinctively knew he couldn't be seen like this, so he hid in the stairwell to avoid both patrons and staff members. He had no wallet or room key card with him, but thankfully his phone was still in his pocket. With trembling hands, he opened his contact list. His mum was already back at Sendai to spend time with Saya. And he couldn't let anyone from his support team or any of his teammates to see him like this. After much debate, he hit the number after Javier's name and waited as the phone rang. It was picked up after about eight rings. Javier's voice was deep with sleep, with a heavier accent than usual. 

".... I can't find my key card... Help me..." He sounded so small and weak even to his own ears. He cringed. 

Ten minutes later, Javier was there, with a new key card in hand. The Japanese murmured his thanks. In hysteria, he wondered if he needed to offer him a blow job as thank you as well. But then he remembered how cold Javier had been and decided surely it wasn't wanted anymore. He evaded his searching looks when the Spaniard asked him what had happened. 

"Just got drunk, stayed at a friend's room to sleep it off. And I couldn't find my key card or my wallet." He said, which was essentially the truth. Javier looked surprised but didn't comment. Yuzuru was so thankful for that.

Once back in his room, he quickly stripped out of his clothes and took a long, scalding shower to get rid of any trace of the last 12 hours from his skin. He brushed his teeth and rinsed his mouth repeatedly until all the foams he spat out were red with blood. The tap was left on and forgotten. The sound of running water unable to drown out all the noises inside his head. He looked at the fogged mirror, all he could see was his 14-year-old self staring back at him, eyes wide and haunted.


	2. Chapter 2

Yuzuru met Akihiro Hirata for the first time during his third year in the Youth Development Camp. He was 12 at the time. 

Also known as the Summer Camp, it gathered top young skaters from all regions of Japan. It was a big goal to aim for, as everyone in his age group wanted to make the cut. Especially for the ones from more remote regions, it was their once in a year opportunity to showcase their capabilities and future potential to JSF. It also allowed them to see how they placed amongst their peers. The attendees were evaluated not only for their skating abilities but also in other aspects, such as musicality, dance skills, physical abilities, and even their mental strength and commitment to the sport. Every year, JSF invited top current and retired skaters both nationally and internationally to form the coaching team. Their names were usually reserved in secret, only to be revealed on the first day. 

All the boys and girls broke into excited chatters, as they saw Akihiro Hirata walking through the door. Like all of his young peers, Yuzuru's eyes shined with delight as he looked up at one of his heroes. 

Son of the retired JSF president, Japan's national champion, World and Grand Prix Final title holder and the first Asian man to earn a spot on the Olympic podium, Akihiro had put Japan on the map in men's single field. Known for his beautiful musicality, expressiveness on the ice, and dashing looks, at age of 25 he was a megastar both domestically and internationally. 

Although being constantly tested and evaluated, Yuzuru loved those four days. He was so excited when he found out he was one of the few chosen to attend the one-on-one training sessions with the man. 

Akihiro was incredibly patient as he corrected the boy's spin position and footwork and showed him how to hold his Biellmann so it blended more seamlessly into the program. He called him "little warrior", "bright future of Japan" with such affection. He happily autographed a magazine with him on the cover and even gave him his LINE account so he could text him any time he wanted. Yuzuru preened under praises. If those large hands were on his waist and thighs a little longer than necessary he didn't pay much attention. He treasured the autograph and add him to his list of contacts in his phone, but never dared to actually bother the man. Surely Hirata-san would be too busy for someone like him, he thought. 

A year later, Yuzuru was invited to Fantasy on Ice Shows in Makuhari, where they met again. He was shy, but remembered his manners and went to thank the man for the training sessions at the Summer Camp during one of the breaks. He wasn't sure if he would still remember him because it had been so long. But the man certainly did. Still fondly calling him "the little warrior", Akihiro seemed to be delighted to see him again. He congratulated him for winning the bronze medal at Japan Junior Championships which he competed as a novice skater. Knowing his home rink was closed for most of that year due to financial issues, he even offered to help with his training before and after each show. 

He also introduced the boy to his friends, Johnny Weir and Evgeni Plushenko whom Yuzuru looked up to since very young age. The boy babbled excitedly in a mixture of Japanese and broken English, so thrilled that he could barely speak coherently. So there was a lot of star eyes, deep bows, broken phrases, and hand gesturing. Johnny and Evgeni were very quickly taken with the little genius as well, pinching his chubby cheeks and ruffling his hair affectionately. 

On the closing night of the Makuhari stop, the adults put on a jump battle. Akihiro encouraged him to give a try. Loving the spotlight and attention, Yuzuru did a Triple Axel-Triple Axel combo, and by pure miracle landing it with only a tiny stumble at the end. All the adults around him clapped and cheered, Yuzuru blushed bright pink with joy. It was the best week in his life, he decided.

And after that, they kept in touch. Akihiro joked about keeping taps on "future of Japan", "his upcoming rival". Yuzuru just giggled. He asked to see his progress, so Yuzuru asked Nanami-sensei to film his practice run of the new Firebird program, as well as him in a harness learning his very first quad. The man had exceptional eyes, often had a different perspective on his programs or jump techniques that Yuzuru was only ever happy to try out. 

Yuzuru didn't have many friends in school, as no one else was interested in a sport that only he seemed to be passionate about. The other boys were all about baseball and basketball. His skating friends were also his rivals. Whilst they were all very friendly with each other as they practically grew up together, they weren't exactly the people you'd discuss your skating issues or progress with. And Akihiro filled that gap perfectly. Yuzuru was so proud of being considered a friend of his. He happily showed off his selfies with the man to his friends and laughed as he listened to them whined in jealousy. 

A couple of times a month, they would meet up. Akihiro would take him to the opera, the ballet, or the museums, as Yuzuru listened and watched in fascination, absorbing and incorporating other forms of art into his skating. He took him to private dance classes or skating rink, so they could train side by side. They even came up with their own little routine both on and off-ice. They laughed as they succussed in doing a camel spin side by side in near perfect synch. 

Yuzuru's parents were initially unsettled by the man's attention toward their son. Not in fear of malicious intent, but more on the side of confusion. After all, the man had an impeccable reputation, was well liked and admired. Rather, they were worried that Yuzuru was imposing on him. Surely Hirata-san had more important things to do than babysitting their child, they thought. So Akihiro went to the Hanyu household. As they had tea, he revealed he had planned to open a talent agency for both competitive and professional skaters in the next two or three years, and he had sight set on Yuzuru, who he believed would be a phenomenal star one day. He would like to see his young friend reaching his true potential, and give time for both parties to evaluate if they could be a good fit. Yuzuru's parents were enormous flattered. After all, not everyone got to hear Japan's national treasure sharing such high praise on their child. Yuzuru didn't quite get it, but he understood he was allowed to spend time with his friend.

The man referred the Hanyus to professional figure skating costume designer for garments that were much more flattering and suitable for the sport. They were beautiful, well made with quality fabric. Not having to worry about rhinestones falling off during a competition and getting a deduction was great. He bought Yuzuru the latest model of EDEA boots with latest John Wilson blades as gifts for his birthday. The boy excitedly put them on and tried an Axel, was amazed at how light they were. 

Season 2008-9 was a breakthrough year for Yuzuru, he moved up from novice to junior level. He became the youngest male skater to win Japan Junior Championship, with a total of 182.17 points. It qualified him for the World Junior Championships and came with an invitation to compete on the senior level at the upcoming Nationals.

With permission from the Hanyus, Akihiro invited Yuzuru to his three-day training camp at Yamagata as his reward. It was more like a hot spring holiday than a training camp, in all honesty, targeting adult beginners who could afford the attention of their national champion. It was part of his agreement with JSF to promote figure skating to the general public. The workshops were loosely scheduled to allow attendees to do some sightseeing and enjoy the hot spring. Yuzuru came to those classes just because he liked to listen to the man explaining his visions in skating. He never missed any of the demonstration sessions either, where he got to see him performing his competitive programs. Even with the downgraded jumps, they were breathtaking. Yuzuru couldn't help but feel excited about competing on the same ice with his friend. Apart from occasionally being asked to demonstrate certain moves, he also got plenty of skating time in preparation for the upcoming Nationals. Many of the attendees stayed to watch him skating his programs or practicing jumps. Yuzuru, who loved the attention, always made sure he put on a show and bowed shyly as they clapped for him.

At their last night at Yamagata, Akihiro invited him to his room for a private dinner. A glass of wine was poured for him. He hesitated because he was nowhere near the legal drinking age. But the man said he was old enough to compete at senior level so surely he was old enough to give alcohol a try. So he did. His memory became very foggy after that, but he remembered being undressed, caressed and fondled. He heard deep moans as a string of liquid was ejaculated on his stomach. The man lovingly kissed his cheeks, calling him "his little warrior".

On the way home, Yuzuru was very silent. He understood what was done to him in the basic sense, but he was deep in denial. Not Hirata-san surely, who had ever only shown him care and kindness. How dare his head conjuring up such nonsense? His stomach churned, his headache made worse by nausea. He wasn't even sure what was dream or reality anymore. On the driver's seat, Akihiro occasionally gave him a few glances behind his sunglasses, the curve of his lips full of amusement. 

"You are old enough to compete at senior level so surely you are old enough to have sex." He said, with one hand on the wheel, the other running down the boy's thigh. Yuzuru tensed up, suddenly realizing the nightmare wasn't just something his mind conjured up. Limited space inside the car didn't exactly give him much room to evade those unwanted touches. So he sat there quietly and endured.

Akihiro took him to his front door, where the Hanyus greeted them, he even helped him with the luggage. Yuzuru stood beside him and stared at that perfect persona, and suddenly overcome with rage. He pushed them all aside and run to his room, with his family started at him in shock. 

His mum soon came to check on him. He looked at her, beautiful face marred by tiredness and stress. Married to a local primary school principal with a stable income, she could have had a simple life of a housewife, going out with friends and planning spa dates when her husband and children were at school. Instead, she took on two part-time jobs in order to support her family financially since Saya and Yuzuru both took on such an expensive sport. With her husband's long work hours, she was left in charge of getting them ready for various camps and competitions, in addition to the daily chores. He could clearly see she was spreading herself too thin. He knew he couldn't possibly burden her further with his own shame. Plus, who would have believed him? Japan's ace vs. a junior skater. So instead he admitted he was being an ungrateful brat, and went downstairs to apologize to the adults. He bowed his head just so he didn't have to endure the other man's amusing smile. 

So when Akihiro texted, Yuzuru answered. In additions to their usual routines, he was taken to different love hotels around the city. He was always offered a glass of wine, whatever in it rendered him in a half dreamlike state, so he would stay quiet and compliant. He learned to give his first blow job that way - throat lax, as an erection was shoved inside his mouth, a harsh hand kept his jaw open so he couldn't instinctively bite down. 

But it made him so foggy and tired the next day. With the Nationals coming up he had to be in optimum condition. So he refused the drink and said he didn't need it.

The man was clearly surprised, and delighted, said his little warrior never failed to amaze him. 

That afternoon, Akihiro fucked Yuzuru for the first time. He was so tense that the man couldn't penetrate him no matter how much lube was applied. In frustration, he grabbed hold of his cock and started jerking him off. It was so much more intense than the pleasure Yuzuru had ever given himself in the shower that he truly started to struggle. But the man overpowered his small form easily, forcing pleasure out of him. His spine arched as he came. In the post-orgasmic state, Akihiro pulled his legs around his waist and pushed in. Yuzuru cried, not because of the pain. The pain was a familiar friend that he made acquaintance on ice since at a young age, fall after fall. Tears trailed down his face in shock because some part of him actually liked it. 

He was 14 that year. His 8th placement in his first senior-level Nationals turned a lot of heads. JSF upgraded him from Enhanced Designated B Category to A and his monthly monetary support was increased as a result. Yumi no longer had to work the second part-time job in order to make ends meet. His family bought a large strawberry cake for him as a celebration.

Akihiro continued to shower him with gifts and support. Yuzuru always had the latest equipment - the best boots, the custom made blades, costumes designed and made by top tier designers. Later on, when his home rink was closed due to the Tohoku earthquake and tsunami, he helped him to find temporary training facilities around Yokohama, Hachinohe, and Aomori until his home rink reopened in July. 

And Yuzuru understood he was to be on his knees or his back thanking the man for every generosity and kind gesture. Only nothing was ever given out of kindness. He came to the startling realization of exactly what this was. Enjo-kosai*. What an ugly phrase. But how was he any different to those girls who took money or expensive gifts by offering their companionship?

Akihiro took sadistic pleasure in showing him how good sex could be, as he skilfully explored his sensitive body. Yuzuru, dominated by youthful hormone came apart underneath him and time again. He hated it the most when the man fucked him at a front of a mirror, with his thin body fully exposed to his spherical view. He groaned in pain as barely lubed fingers roughly pushed in, until the man expertly found his prostate. His young impressionable body easily learned to blur the line between pain and pleasure. He watched as his own body helpless arched in desire, his cum splashing across the mirror. The man laughed at his inability to control his own body and said he would stop if he truly hated it. Yuzuru begged him to stop, but he only thrust into him harder and harder again, until he forced out a second orgasm from him. 

At school and home, half of the time he was in a dream-like state, operating purely on muscle memory. He ate, sleep, handed in his homework in time, and kept his grades up. He looked at the people him around him, marveled how they could find happiness in every little thing while all he could feel was numbness. It was almost like living in his own dimension. Skating became the only thing that still made sense to him. So he focused on that with single-mindedness. He trained tirelessly and polished each aspect of his programs until they shined.

In the following year, Yuzuru won both of his Junior Grand Prix assignments and qualified for the Final. He took gold at the Japan Junior Championships once again, and earn a spot at the senior level of Nationals for the second time, which he placed 6th. He also won 2010 World Junior Championships. With his new personal best of 216.10 points, he became the fourth, and the youngest, Japanese man to win the title. His skating peers were in awe. They put him on a pedestal and no one knew how to interact with him anymore. 

He turned senior at the age of 15, leaving all his childhood rivals behind. The senior field was far tougher and competitive than he anticipated. Even though he struggled in both of his GP assignments, he landed his first Quad Toe in NHK. He did better in the Nationals this time, moving up to 4th, which prompt JSF to give him a spot to Four Continents Championships, where he won a silver medal with a new personal best score.

He supposed this was the life he traded everything for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjo-kosai: compensated dating, is the practice of older men giving money and/or luxury gifts to attractive young women for their companionship and/or sexual favors.


End file.
